Obsessions and Coping

I have become addicted to the Military Channel. It is very similar to the way I was addicted to CNN on 9/11 and the weeks that followed. Obsession? Yes.

I watch anything that mentions Marines in it. I also watch stories about Korea, aircraft, covert missions, and snipers. The narration is usually droning and sometimes I fall asleep to the sound of it. I wake up to it again at 3am and scan through to see if a Marine show is on.

Hit the jackpot the other day “Making Marines” was on Sunday. Three glorious hours of filming at Parris Island, with each hour being based on the three phases of boot camp. It was great! I have to admit, some of it brought me to tears as I looked at the faces of these nameless young men and women. It was also tough at times to watch as images of what you were going through were brought to life.

Another new obsession is the internet support sites. I have found some great people going through this ride just as I am. We have forums and there is one specifically for Charlie Co. and platoon 1022 even! So we connect and laugh, and cry and there will be more on all of them later.

I am afraid I speak about you too much. Your name seems to pop out of my mouth at any opportunity, and I just can’t control it. I remind myself of that country song “I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I..” Alex is doing okay, got a letter from Alex, Alex scored really good on his test, on, and on and on. You would be embarrassed since you do not like to be center stage. I couldn’t possibly miss you any more and this all consuming urge to keep saying your name makes me feel closer to you. I am sure people are getting tired of it. I will apologize to them later, but I just can’t help it now. It is not the same as sending someone off to college. You can call them at their school, pick them up for weekends and go visit them. I am jealous of that. I just want to hear your voice. I want reassurance that you are okay. I want to feel everything is okay in my house again. You cannot just take someone out of the loop after 20 years and expect to carry on. So I speak of you, and often ~ because I have to in order to learn how to cope for what I know will be coming once you graduate and deploy.