Hearing From You and the "Change"

I have the Phase 1 through 3 outlines hanging on the frig. It has each training day and what you are doing, subject to change of course. It is a great way of following along and makes us feel a little connected. Plus I love crossing off in red marker as each day passes.

Your letters have started coming. Every Thursday I sit and wait for the mailman. He usually arrives around 10:30, and I am usually there to greet him. He has gotten used to it now. Even on days when he doesn’t have any bills to deliver he still stops and grabs the daily letter I mail out.

I hold each letter in my hand as if it was a winning lottery ticket, and in some ways it is. I am pretty selfish because even if someone is home, I have to read it first by myself. They are always too short, lacking in information and so hard to try and pick out any key words that tell me how you are really doing.

Everything is always fine. Guys are always fine, except for a few that you always deem as “not getting it”. Food is always fine. You sleep, eat, and drill fine. I want to scream at the mailman to bring me a letter with something more. I want to know if you have lost weight, are they screaming in your face, have you had to do push~ups in the “pit”. I want to know how you are doing on the tests. Yet you share very little. I want to know if the “brotherhood” everyone refers to has started to connect for you. You speak of nobody in names. I know that you do not have first names at Boot, are only referred to as either “Recruit” or your last name. Funny, but some of you don’t even know each others first names even though you are in the same quarters.

I think the hardest part is the not knowing. I realize the DI’s are breaking you down but in the process the same thing is happening to me. Everyone says “wait until you see him, they act so different”. You don’t need to be broken down. I don’t want you to be different and that is what scares me. When I finally see you again at the end of the 13 weeks, will I feel like I don’t know who you have become? I know that is impossible, you are my son. But this “change” is all that is referred to. I had you first and I think I did a pretty damn good job raising you, so why do you have to “change” so much? I think “enhanced” would be a better word! :] May not be very military macho, but it would work for me.